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I used to use this blog as a relationship journal. I feel like I have buried some things within and haven’t wrote in awhile. I have to write an article about balance in relationship. This is more like a random reflection to help me develop a stronger idea.

I believe that life is about balance. It is the constant push and pull that tend to keep me interested. I am constantly in pursuit of balance. I believe that relationships are also about internal balance.

Honestly Hour

For me, I tend to be SO scared of one stereotype that I overdue the other. For example have always pushed this persona that I was tough in relationships, because I was afraid of being weak. Like most people, I pretended like the very thing I longed the most was the opposite of what I wanted. Sounds simple enough…lol

I am a very strange person. I have always tried to reject things (or people) because I was scared of needing anyone. I have had many relationships but there are still a few things I have always refused to do, because of fear.

For example

A guy has never bought me flowers before. I know it sounds very girlie and stupid but I have never had anyone buy them for me. Historically receiving flowers from a guy your interested in or dating holds so much weight. I am not talking about the standard hallmark card, box of chocolate and a dozen of red roses; I am talking about receiving something that was handpicked for you.

I was watching one of my favorite movies Alfie (2004) the other day. When he fell in love , he ran to a florist and hand picked a bouquet of flowers for her. He told the florist the kind of women she was, and together they picked the perfect bouquet. He wanted to attempt to recreate her essence. It was such a beautiful quick moment in the movie. You can tell he really cared for her because he made sure he picked the perfect bloom.

I have never had that happen.

I try so hard to be tough in every relationship that I tend to overdue it. I would always tell the person that I would be humored by the idea of receiving flowers. I would only say this to eliminate the disappointment of I never receiving that affection. I know it sounds dumb. I figured it was way worse to expect something and be disappointed then eliminating the idea from the jump.

I think its important to have internal balance in relationships. You need to know that there is a time and a place for everything. For me, I am still learning that its ok to be vulnerable and let my guard down sometimes and other times leave all the mushy things alone. Whether I get flowers one day or not, I need to stop pretending like I would be disgusted by the thought of them… I wonder how many things I have missed out on something meaningful, because I was afraid of being disappointed.

I don’t know.. Just a thought